13 TEARS OF LOVE
On a late afternoon, in the early summer of 1994,
I walked up St. Laurent Blvd. towards Leonard Cohen’s house
near the sweet Portuguese park on Marie-Anne street.
I had a small basket in one hand
and intentions of unconditional love in the other.
Lorca, Leonard’s beautiful, tattooed and mysterious daughter,
had told my best friend Steve about the batch of kittens she needed homes for.
I come from a long line of feline friendly family.
There has never been a day in any of my family’s houses without a cat.
When I came into the world, my mother had a cat named “Red Fuzz”
who ultimately was training for her perfect mothering
she provides me and my brother Yves.
Cats are equal to family in our homes.
So there was a big batch of perfect fuzzies, all long haired,
some multi colored, but only one red.
Be it the ancient memories of Red Fuzz,
or my own red head identity,
there was no question that I was walking out with that red ball of fluff in my basket.
“Thor” was of course destined to be his name.
The god of thunder spent most of his first week
under my bed curled up in the basket he came in.
He never tired of that habit of sleep and retreat,
and my mother always kept a basket on the ready for him.
He had another irresistable pass time, sucking his toe.
Yes, like a child sucking his thumb,
he would get really comfortable and sooth himself by sucking his back toe.
In hind sight, I think I took him away from his mother a little too soon,
and he never gave up trying to nurse.
Within a month of adopting this ball of magic, I was asked to join the band Hole,
for their world tour in support of their latest album “Live Through This”.
My decision to accept this extreme musical invitation changed my life forever.
The United States of America, and it’s inspired world of alternative rock music,
became my home and I have never lived in Montreal full time again.
Leaving my rich and intimate life was dramatic.
In this over night break from my life long home of 22 years I left behind;
my then band “Tinker”,
my photography degree,
my very close community of family and friends,
and of course, Thor.
As I began my new life of travel, absolute strangers and no particular home,
Thor moved in with my family.
Thor became a kind of a totem to that time and place.
He symbolizes that big break, and represented my youth that I left behind.
He was a cat of “little brains” my mother called him.
He didn’t have an ounce of that independent feline aloofness, more like a puppy,
he wanted love and affection from anything, any time
(it is said that male red cats are always like that).
As he followed the action where ever it went, he had no fear.
He’d wander into the street, while flirting with dogs, cars and plants.
He was truly irresistible as a teddy bear.
People would gasp with an overload of cuteness.
Thor had more medical problems than the common cat,
probably because he was part fancy cat,
and fancy cats always have weaker genetic make ups
(rumor has it that Thor’s parents may have been siblings…).
Last year while suffering from a bum problem the vet noticed his irregular heart beat,
turns out his heart was slowly falling apart.
A slow degradation of heart was in process,
threatening the usual age of 18 that cats under my mother’s care live.
2008 arrived, and so did Thor’s first seizure.
His heart was not pumping the blood correctly,
resulting in clotting and eventual failure.
Luckily I was visiting Montreal last week,
when the cat cardiologist explained
his heart was in such bad shape that he could more or less die any day.
Instead of risking a stroke like seizure that could be incredibly painful
and leave him paralyzed,
we decided to put him sweetly to sleep as the seizures increased.
Pet love is from another dimension of the cosmos.
All they want is love (and food) and that is what they give.
I dedicate this Valentines day,
to Thor’s heart,
and to anyone who has ever loved an animal (including a human) to death.
xMAdMx
Hi Melissa. I’m an italian boy and first I’m sorry for my english… I remember some years ago I had a dog called Diana… This dog was with my family also before I was born (so I grew up with her) and expecially my father was very fond with this dog. My father sometimes must go far away for work an I remember that he left for a long journey… after we have taken my father to the airport we returned at home an we found Diana died. For me she died ’cause of my father left home… I will never forget this dog!
Hi Melissa. This is the half French and British blood young girl’s speaking. As I saw you loved cats, I remembered they’re also sacred in my family. We might had 15 cats in all, probably thinking one would be the reincarnation of another when they’ve gone. I wish you to have great love with your own one. Besides, I started to learn how to play the bass guitar last September. I listened carefully to your firt record after that and I found it really good. I hope your second one would be soon available in European stores. Fleshy sound is my favourite. All the best to you !
Oh, this really brings tears to my eyes. I too come from a family of feline lovers, and when our beloved cat died, 8 years ago, at the age of 13, I thought I would never dare to love an animal again. Luckily, I soon realized my heart is big enough for more than one dear pet, and now I have my beautiful kitty besides me, purring as I’m writing these words. From the both of us, lots of love.
So sad ://
I had never had a cat, I was always addicted to puppys, and one day, I was 11, I went to a friend house party and then I went to my father’s pharmacy, so it was midnight and we went home, my dog was like 2 months, and we went home in the car and the dog saw me into the car.. and he comes and my dad accidentally passed trough him… it was very dramatic, I start crying and act like a crazy boy cause I saw my dog trying to breath desperately.. so, there’s no vet 24h that day, he died. and I put all his things in a box, put him too, and I left him in the river. it was very very bad.
anyway.. good lucky to ur cat in the other plan of life.
and Melissa, seriously, I miss so much your music, please, I can’t listening your first album again.. it’s over.. a new one please please please… you could even post a new song here in yr blogger. only to taste, to know our opinion.. don’t know, I miss new songs of YOU, my great singer
– sorry the bad bad english. you know, I’m from Brazil hihi, and here we speak portuguese lol;
I just can’t think about when my dear kitten Amelia will leave me… So you’ve got all my simpathy and I express my most sincere condolences.
My Miki is turning 11 on the 27th, I’m I’d be dead without him and his cuddles, his awakening early in the morning to have breakfast together and his company wherever and whenever I’m at home.
You can find pics of him here
you got a cat from Leonard Cohen’s daughter, thats a radical claim to fame in itself.
That is a very interesting story.
I like all the fury and feathery folk out there, they are strange and I often wonder what they are thinking of us.
I recently had a wild Australian native bird,a Tawny Frogmouth, fly into my backyard and would not go away. I Brought it inside and it spent several weeks here with me. It is a nocturnal bird so it would sit up with me all night, it used to actually watch TV with his very good eyesight.It ate raw meat and live worms. I had to hand it over to the wildlife rescue people in the end so they could return it to the wild. I miss that bird very much still to this day, I called him Henry.
It’s so awful when animals leave us. I think we don’t realise how much they’ve become a part of our family and our lives until we have to start living without them.
I’ve grown up sorrounded by cats, because my family has always been feline friendly. We’ve lost several of them, mostly due to poisoning. We’ve never been able to identify who’s responsible for it, but we’re sure it has to be one of our neighbours.
At the moment, we have 2 female cats, and 2 male cats (plus a dog and 2 turtles!). I just love their independent attitude and their ability to climb the most unusual places.
The good thing is Thor will always be alive in your family’s heart, so he’ll be close to you no matter what.
Huge hug!
That Thor R.I.P. in the Paradise with fellow humans!
J’ai déjà eu des poissons rouges, des lapins,des péruches,des chiens ,des chats etc…
Je me souviens que j’aimais beaucoup faire des calins à mes bébés lapins.
J’aime les chats comme toi melissa mais malheureusement je suis allergiques à leurs poils.
Le chien qui m’a le plus marqué c’est P’tit Pit. P’tit Pit apartenait a mon frère mais il s’amusait toujours avec moi. Je l’aimais beaucoup puis un jour il est tombé malade. IL ne mangeait plus et il ne buvait plus. J’en pris bien soin, je le réconfortait et j’avais fais une place pour lui tout à côté de moi dans mon lit.
Ne pouvant rien faire pour lui le vétérinaire et nous décidèrent de mettre un terme à ses souffrances.
Après sa mort j’ai eu une apparition de lui comme pour me dire de ne plus m’inquiéter pour lui. Il était maintenant et pour toujours du côté de la lumière véritable.
P’tit Pit aimait énormément courir et danser avec moi sur la chanson:” Da ya think I’m sexy?” de Rod Stewart.
IL était un Chiwawua extraordinaire. Il m’arrive de penser que P’tit Pit avait apporté avec lui une partie de ma misère.
That GOD BLESS THOR and P’TIT PIT!!!!
Quand un animal que l’on a choyé meurt, c’est un peu de nous qui s’en va.
Et dieu sait si des animaux, j’en ai eu, mais çà ne donne plus envie d’en avoir après ce type péripéties… !
Hi Melissa!it�s so amazing having yourself writing this blog, giving us strength, love and little tales about you/life. thank you!
oh Thor you had a life full of love and understanding,for sure you were a great cat, i lost my dog Kabul some years back, and i always think i could had provided him a better life to live, but i treasure his memories warm in my heart.
oh Melissa i wish i could speak fluent english or french(i´m learning both)
pd.very sorry x the lame “english”
LOTS OF LOVE
DANIXOXOX
I lost my mum on Friday night & have never felt so bad. Reading yours and others stories on here has been a real help. Animals bring out the best qualities in humans – we can learn so much from them. My mum loved our cat Sweet P and I’ll always treasure her reaction to a video of her I played last Wednesday. I’ve been following & contributing to this blog for 2 ½ years now and really appreciate your kind and caring attitude – in other words you are bigger than being a famous musician.
Doctor Rock, we love tawny frogmouth’s. We have one that lives near us. Beautiful and fascinating bird indeed.
We all need to play a role in protecting our animal friends from the not so good qualities of humans…
Thor R.I.P…
Est ce que tu penses, Melissa, qu’on entendra ton 2e album un jour? Ou bien est-ce peine perdue?
xxx
Cécile
Un chat qui s’appelle Thor? Un peu conflictuel niveau mythologies
Mais j’adore les chats… qui ont 9 vies… à l’inverse de Thor !
Thomas
Commiserations.
He is so beautiful. I have a cat son called Ringo, I hope he stays beside me for so long as Thor has been with you.
kisses to both of you.
What a lucky pair you and Thor are to have found one another! I suddenly lost my beloved Cupcake, another marmalade tabby, last Wednesday to what I suspect was heart failure. We adopted her as an adult from the shelter. At that time she was already chubby with an enlarged heart, and nothing we did seemed to trim her down. She loved to eat, hence the name. Good Lord, only in America is there actually an organization called the Association for Pet Obesity Prevention. I am not making this up, October 17th is its annual ‘awareness’ day.
Oh, how I relate to your grief. What is it about the orange ones? Heaven is luckier for our loss.
hey Melissa,
i know how hard it is to lose a pet because they give the love so unselfishly and for the most part their the most loyal of loves in our lives and althought you cat died of a broken heart…
a love is never gone
when the memory lingers on
its only pulling at your selve
that drives away such grieve
the thoughts that fill your heart
when its time for you to part
that its pain that never dies
when you’d only wished you’d cried
have all my love
mark x
p.s next valtines day find someone to share it with am sure the furry gods would approve and there can’t be any shortage of requests
After having lost so many pets through the years – Chico, Kitty, Josie, Haley, Ashes, and Minnie, so far – I have learned one thing: our animal friends live just long enough to break our hearts. But I wouldn’t trade the time I spent with them for anything.
Thank you for sharing Thor’s story with us. May the Internet grant him whatever immortality it can.
Really, really sad. I know how you feel. I lost my ten years old parrot one month ago. I am still heartbroken. And I thank you for this post.
hello madam.
what a cute one…
je suis désolé au sujet de votre chat.
hole just came on my ipod’s shuffle as i was reading this, and as a cat owner/lover j’ai juste voulu présenter des condoléances.
take care.
x
I am sorry for your loss, Melissa, but I am glad you were able to be with Thor in his final moments.
hey, being the world’s least successful pet owner I can’t say I ever loved one long enough.. including the 3 dogs and the duck and the cat who all have new homes.
but my love goes out to ya.
I never knew you could comment on this blog before so let me just say I love your album. especially the followed the waves video. thank you.
Je viens d’entendre et de voir le morceau que tu as co-écrit : “The World Is Darker”.
This piece is great…!
I’m sorry for you loss. This is a very pretty homage, though. We should all be so lucky.
Joyeux anniversaire à toi,
many good things…!
Hi Melissa!
I’m a Brazilian guy who just came here to say “Happy Birthday” and wish you the best wishes.
I really admire you and look forward to listen to new songs of yours.
Love, Rômulo.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!MELISSA!!!
I wish you the best of the very best for you&family.
Big KIss!
Happy `day after’ your birthday Melissa!
I hope your projects plans are moving forward. I am very much excited to hear and see what you have created over the past few years.
Are you rehearsing with your band now? Where will you play first? I hope you play in the Guelph/Toronto area. I work as a videographer for the Ontario Veterinary College. I have learned over the past few years about the importance and care of animals and their health. Veterinary students, faculty and staff are amazing people. I would be glad to give you and your band a tour of the University and College if you are ever in this area. There is a wonderful coffee shop near by to chill and relax. It’s a great community here. I will include the website link for you to explore.
http://www.ovc.uoguelph.ca/
I produced videos for the college most of the videos you see in the bottom of the site. It’s our new way of letting the world know more about veterinary medicine and animal health care.
I am also a video artist and musician with a degree in fine art.
I always wanted to blend the art disciplines… art without borders…so to speak.
I always thought it would be cool to make a film about you and your band (shot with HD video handy cams)…like a reality television show (without the supperficial drama)…but more on the sincere and real activities of what musicians (you and your band) go through in a day or so to prepare your music and put on a concert. Your fans would love such a film.
I thought I would share such an idea with you. Talent is not talent unless it is shared. Art and creativity is a special gift to the world.
I hope 2008 is full of special gifts for you and your fellow band members.
Sincerely,
Kevin Hogg
Happy Birthday for you and for me!!
Yeah, pisces.
Hello Melissa ! Sorry to disturb in such times. I’m wishing you a happy birthday though. I’ve just seen your “The world is darker” performance. How great it was ! Canadian rock and art in general is getting on very well ! We are all eager to hear a new piece of your work someday ! OOOM
with lots of love
rest in peace.
but you had to be proud of meet thor, and have thor in your life for 13 years…
i hate my english!
cristina
a spanish bassist women that admires you
Hey Mel.
First of all, your entry was amazing. I havent really checked your journal before nor your webpage but today I decided to check some of your stuff out. I remember a long time ago how you stood out on Hole and then when you made it to the Pumpkins I was surprised but your rocker attitude was fun, I specially loved how you guys rocked on the Everlasting Gaze which still is one of my favorite songs. I love cats, I adopted two brothers who now make me really happy, I also have a girlfriend named Melissa and we had been living together for a year. Im a fellow musician and I sing and play the bass for my band, recently I have been trying to listen to some of your work to influence myself from your creative bass lines. Check my band´s myspace and add us if you want to. Myspace.com/therosemarymx
Greeting from Mexico!
Vik Hitman.
P.s. Thor looks so relaxed on that picture… so jealous. Hah
Peace.
Hi melissa,
I’m from Brazil and I love pets more than humans maybe, you bring me tears, and made think the day that I will lose ma felin Frida, and my canin Lady…
Will not ever more existe me.
Best Wishes for you.
sorry my english.
Thanks.
“He symbolizes that big break, and represented my youth that I left behind.”
Unbelievable how fast time flies by. Thor probably had an amazing life!
Salut Melissa,
Je ne sais plus quoi penser, je suis un peu confus.
Je tiens a te féliciter moi aussi pour la colaboration: “The world is darker”.
J’ai hâte de te voir en spectacle, crois tu que c’est pour bientôt.
Ta présence physique me manque…
De la part d’un gars qui désespère énormément!
LOVE XXX
Hey Melissa, I doubt youll read this but it was really nice to speak to you tonight. And it meant alot that you remembered me. I remember ten years ago being really timid and scared but not knowing who would answer the door. Just wanting to leave the gift and sympathies, and I felt bad even when I saw you answer because I thought, you must have had so much on your plate… so much to deal with, and then me. But, you were so sweet and I really appreciated it and it meant alot to me tonight too, that you even remembered that day at all for anything to do with me whatsoever.
I hope the photography book comes out soon for you, and that youre pleasantly surprised with all the world has yet to show you-you captivate and encapsule something remarkably refreshing with each moment you chose to project in your own fashion. It is beautiful.
take care,
Sabrina
I always said to my mum id buy her a ginger cat. She had ones years ago. Well about 2 years ago i visited a market and found one. He is such a stud. Ginger cats rule.
Cats are often better people than real people. But the bodies dies, the spirit lives on. Our pets are with us for a reason.
hi melissa, this week i am going to see Smashing Pumpkins, i don’t know why you aren’t coming, but We all like to see you perform here in mexico someday, thanks. Mauricio
I also love cats and i have one red hairy cat named Sony.
I loved Hole and also your song “Taste you”.
Keep on writing!
En algún blog leí que sabias español así que te saludo en mi idioma. Me gusta mucho tu música (que escuché hace muy poco) y me gusta mucho saber que tienes mi misma edad y compartes mi afición por los gatos. mi gata se llama Lourdes. te mando un beso y te deseo mucha suerte en tu nuevo disco… un saludo desde Bogotá Colombia. Desde aquí te veo y escucho siempre con mucha energía.
I have a Syberian Husky that did grow up with me. I was 4 when my mother opened the door comming from work and give me this gift. Thirteen years have passed and me and my friend still live together ’till death come to apart us. When I got sick, he uses to sleep in front of my door waching me, and I usually don’t see this kind of affection comming for most of human beings. I see that pet friendship is uncondicional.
We are waiting for you here in Brazil, Melissa. Come soon!
Bonjour,
c’est… terrible. C’est la mort. Je ne vais pas parler de mon ancien petit parce que chaque chat fait personne à part, mais… tout mes affections.
Cats are the better versions of people.
What a lucky cat to be adopted into such a warm and loving family!
“Pet love is from another dimension of the cosmos.
All they want is love (and food) and that is what they give.”
I couldn’t have said it better myself. We could all learn a lesson or two in love from pets.
They are the perfect definition of unconditional love. I have myself a 12 year old cat, a 3 year old skunk, and 2 wonderful dogs that are 10 months old and 7 years old.
I dread the day that I have to make the decision to lay any of them to rest. They are my children and my muses. No one is ever happier to see me than they are. I find more joy and comfort in them than I could ever put into words. I often say that I hope to go before any of them do.
I often find myself being wary of people who “aren’t into animals”. I couldn’t imagine a day without being covered in cat hair, having to help my stumpy legged skunk into bed, or being covered in sloppy wet kisses from my dogs.
Hi Melissa. First of all, I love your music, and you… are so beautiful that god (sure) got down to earth the day you got born!!!!!!!! ^_^ (¡guapa!)
When you were at Spain, at the Palacio de Deportes in Madrid with The Smashing Pumpkins at the “Sacred and Profane Tour”, you spoke spanish and translated some things that Billy wanted you to translate to us at the concert, so… voy a decirtelo en español que me siento más comodo.
Siento muchísimo lo de tu pequeño gatito. Yo tengo uno exactamente de la misma raza y del mismo color. Lo acogimos hace 1 año y tenía solo 3 semanas. Era tan chiquitito y vulnerable… ahora tiene ya un año y también es nuestra “pequeña bolita de magia”. He tenido más mascotas pero esta es diferente, porque quizas como en tu caso, la he adoptado en un momento de mi vida en el que todo cambia: fin de carrera, comienzo de la vida laboral, independización, separación de los padres, separación de los amigos… si el gatito falleciera dentro de unos años, se que sería un cambio, sería un punto a parte en mi vida; porque ha vivido los años de transición de mi vida. Suena muy cursi pero creo que te comprendo perfectamente.
Esta es mi gatita Neko-Chan: http://img48.imageshack.us/my.php?image=graduate002nn7.jpg
En fin, así es la vida hija mía…
Besos, abrazos, y mi más sincero pésame. “One last kiss, goodbye”.
Saca pronto un disco que me muero de ganas de comprarlo y verte en Madrid, y como diría BC “ROCK ON!!!” :p
I don’t think i would be able to live without my cats.
…
Hi Melissa. Im Jack and i live in Wales, UK.
I’ve Loved your music ever since i furst heard your Debut Album, Auf Der Maur. I had heard of Hole before then, but when i heard your current band i have never gone back since
haha!
Must say i was moved by your blog about Thor!
I went on Holiday when i was 15, and left my 8yr old Doggy Sam with some Family friends who were staying at our house while we were in Spain for my Sister’s wedding.
And while we were here he had passed away with Heart Failure aswell. Your Blog reminded me of him alot, he was Ginger too! (and white).
Was really upset when i returned home. O only had him for 3 years because he was given to us by a family who didn’t want him. But i loved him alot.
Just checked out your Myspace and your official Website xmadmx.com and Cannot wait for your new album to be released.
Would be amazing if you got back to me
Cheers and Bye XXXXXXXX
Hello Melissa
I really undertsand what you say about to love an animal until death. I have a black & white cat called “Rico”. I adopted it about 5 years ago when I reach to Spain. Now he is about 8 years but is sick and although I go to the Vet, it doesn’t show signs of being better.
One month ago he was O.K, but suddenly it became with this problem.
I pray for it, and only ask God to give a little health for him, I can’t image to watch my house so empty if it pass away. For me isn’t only a pet, it’s a friend that gives love without ask you nothing about.